It's all fun and journaling until you actually learn something about yourself

For a little over a year now I’ve been journaling in the form of Morning Pages. This type of journaling is from Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way. What you do is write 3 hand written pages in a journal a day. This is to rid yourself of mindless worrying and to get your brain ready to receive creative thoughts and ideas.  

Some days my entries are what I ate and something I thought of on the way to work. But some entries— like the one I just had today— make me trust the process and the breakthroughs it creates.

*Side note: I’m super nerdy when it comes to self-help books and personal/spiritual growth and confidence. So say what you will about some of this new age mumbo-jumbo, this shit is way less expensive than therapy.*

My current read right now is called Think Your Way to the Life You Want by Bruce Doyle. The part I’m at is discussing limiting beliefs. It goes on to say that you cannot create the life you want, with lasting results, unless you completely diminish your limiting beliefs. Easier said than done.

This got me to dive into my Morning Pages with a concentrated effort to explore my limiting beliefs. I was all geared up to have pages upon pages of limiting beliefs. I wrote my first one down and paused. Put the pen to paper again and paused. Blank. Nothing. I couldn’t think of anything else that rang true in my head that I felt was honestly holding me back. This is what I wrote:

I’m not enough.

Three words. Three measly words that make up my entire limiting belief system. And this limiting thought pattern isn’t a new fandangled thing I just started pouring my soul in. No, this is at least since I was 5. It started at a family Christmas party where I was pretending to play a waiter. I went around to everyone trying to take orders for their meal and they all thought it would be funny to shout YOU’RE FIRED. Sure, funny to them at the time because I was just a little kid pretending. But to me? I wasn’t even good enough to pretend to be something. What chance did I have actually BEING anything?

This thought of not being good enough was only re-enforced time and time again. Not athletic enough or trying hard enough to please my basketball coach. Not pretty enough for anyone to ask me to Prom. Not thin enough to be deemed beautiful. Not funny enough to make a main stage ensemble. Not smart enough to land my dream job. Not perfect enough to keep him. Not enough of anything  to be worthy of anything.

It’s an easy out to life’s failures. Oh I didn’t get that job because I’m just not enough. Or, he left me because gosh dang it, I’m just not enough to keep his attention. I don’t want to be shackled down by this mind frame anymore. I need to understand that if I’m good enough for me, then the rest of the world will know it too. It's a long road to the high road. Until then, my thoughts will be on repeat until I sincerely believe it. 

I’m enough. I’m enough. I’m enough.

Brian from Family Guy

John and I watched the episode of Family Guy where Brian dies. I really didn’t want to watch it because I don’t like to seek out sad shows like that, plus I’m currently reading The Art of Racing in the Rain which is about a dying dog, so I was kind of at my peak of my sadness threshold. Regardless, I did end up watching most of it, and it was just as heartbreaking as I thought.

John has had a dog he loved very much pass away and we currently have Jackson right now. I love that little guy so much and don’t like to think about him not being around to greet the day with his wagging tail. I just kissed Jackson on the head and whispered to him don’t leave us too soon puppydoodle. 

Excuse me while I have private moment of fangirling all over the weekend

Jennifer Lawrence just beat out Anna Kendrick and Tina Fey as my girl crush

I’m totally on board with everyone’s obsession with the charming and talented Jennifer Lawrence. I mean, the girl is practically a saint and is hilarious and goofy. Even I’d take her out to a nice dinner and then treat her to a moonlit walk. What makes me love her even more is her sense of awareness pertaining to self-esteem issues of young girls. This video sums up how wonderful she is, and how the media and a society of judgers hurts the young and impressionable female population. 

I can't get the video to upload, but here's the link to it. Jennifer Lawrence being awesome.

Dreaming of a Dream Home

I’m getting this really weird obsession about looking up listings of million dollar homes in California. The architecture of some of the houses are breathtaking. It also kind of blows me away that people actually live in houses that are as big as my high school and college. I would have an alarm system in every single one of the rooms. But I would also have an indoor pool, basketball court, fully operating 7-11, and a comedy club in my house. I should make a Pinterest board on this….

I can only be the best version of me (and other ways to get my ass out of bed)

I find it a little disheartening that sometimes the only way I can get my feet out the door and to the gym is to go on Facebook and stalk all the pretty girls who are blowing up my newsfeed with their gorgeous faces in pictures. I feel so awful about myself that I decided to do something about it and go work out. This is messed up right? On the bright side, at least it’s productive.

There’s a quote that I always find on Pinterest that says don’t compare your everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel. As good of information this is, it’s hard not to compare yourself with every click of someone’s Facebook page.

The way I see it, there are two options.

1.    I could stop going on Facebook. But I don’t know how else to waste precious time (just kidding, yes I do) or

2.    Instead of being motivated by seeing a lack of a quality in myself when I see a glimpse into other people’s lives, maybe I should just be the best version of me.

This is elementary at best Watson, but it’s a lesson I constantly forget. 

Imgur, you make me want to be around babies!

Why are babies the funniest things in the world? I just want to watch this baby all day. Those silly faces. He has no teeth. This is too much.

The orginal post on Imgur can be found here.