Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I listened to Fall Out Boy on the way to work today. I just needed to feel a sense of me again. I just needed something that I hold solely as mine, even just for a half hour. This month has been awful. A misdiagnosed UTI led to weeks of unnecessary pain because—get this—the doctors knew it wasn’t a UTI. The results came back negative and no one told me. Way to be good at your really important job doctors. Years and years of schooling totally make me trust your diagnosis but oops, I go on WebMD and figure out what it was before you did. Whatever. I can’t change what happened. But I have had a lot of time to think about life and being an adult. I’ve come to this conclusion: being an adult sucks. I know people told me that when I was younger but I never listened. I wanted to be financially independent and have a cool job. False. I never understood why people would come home from work and just watch TV until they fell asleep, or go out drinking to forget a stressful week. Oh I get it now. Being an adult is complicated. But it’s complicated because we make it complicated. I want a simple life. I want a job that I’m excited to go to every day, I want to wake up happy, I want to go to sleep happy. I want to enjoy the moments in between.

I can tell you now, I’m not experiencing anything to do with my dream of a simple life. But I’m going to change that because I am miserable. I’ve been seeing the worst side of human character lately and it shatters everything I’ve ever believed in or thought to be true. I don’t know anything about anything anymore. I guess I’m looking for something to believe in again.