Family news

My younger cousin who got married this past July is pregnant! I just found out the other day and could not be more excited and happy for her. Come September of this year I’ll be a second-cousin to her little one? I think that’s how it works.

Anyway.

About 2 years ago our Papa Ron had double bypass surgery. He’s been doing pretty good, back out on the golf links kicking ass, and still being his awesome self. On his first Thanksgiving after the surgery, he gave a speech before dinner. He talked about how blessed he is for his wonderful family and wife, and how much he loves us. Yes we were crying. Yes I’m kind of tearing up now as I type this. After dessert and big bellies, he came up to all the grandkids. He asked when we were all getting married and when were the great-grandchildren coming. Needless to say, my mom and all my aunts were in outrage and demanded he didn't promote teen pregnancies. We all laughed. We laughed because…

…I’m the oldest of the cousins on that side. Barely 23 at the time, all my cousins are younger than me in increments of 2, sometimes 3. The second oldest, barely 21 at the time just looked at me and said “get on it!”. I laughed again. I wasn't anywhere near ready for kids nor in the vicinity of getting hitched.

New Year’s Eve rolled around that same year and my cousin texted me saying she was engaged. 6 months later she was married. 7 months later she announces she’s due in September. My Papa's Thanksgiving wish is finally coming to fruition. I am ecstatic that my cousin is going to be a mom. I knew she had what it takes back when we were little. She would take care of her dolls and mine while I colored instead. She’s going to be great.

In perfect Alexa fashion, my mind started thinking...a dangerous pastime…I know. [bonus points if you name the movie.]

I was in the shower the other day, feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation. My cousin's 23, married and pregnant. Meanwhile here I am, just shy of 25; unemployed, living at home, nowhere near vows or diapers. I felt like a first grandchild failure. Shouldn't I be the one paving the way for the others to follow when they’re ready and old enough? I know it’s okay for me to not be ready for that life or to have it right now. But I got sad thinking that when I am ready for all that, will my grandparents be around to celebrate with me? I want to make them happy in the way my cousin is and has. All I end up doing is being the comic relief at family gathering. As weird as it sounds, I don't think anyone in my extended family figured I would be the first for domestic bliss. Why? 

Why can’t I get my shit together?

Hansen cousins in Michigan in 2009. Note how much weight I've lost and kept off in 4 years. Ohthankgod. I know we all look alike but I'm the girl second on the left with no cleavage to brag about.