Change is a comin’

Starting anything new is always an anxious transition for me. I’m a slow warmer, a late bloomer. Any new event or schedule throws me a bit until I get down a routine and get into the flow. There are so many great things going on and happening, yet I still find myself with that familiar tight chest run-away-Lex-run-away anxiety. Transitioning into something new has always been somewhat of a challenge. The comforting fact is that once I’m comfortable, I’m totally 100% in.

I’m actually really enjoying my new job as a front desk person at a doctor’s office. It’s nothing too demanding; simple computer work and being personable. I’m getting used to talking to people on the phone¾ a skill that makes me sweat profusely. I’m smiling a lot and making eye contact. I’m confident with our clients and speak up when I need to.

My work ethic has come back full force. I’m committed to doing the best job I can because my efforts are praised and rewarded. It’s an added bonus to have my nights free so I can train for the half marathon, edit my novel and do a ton of improv.

When I got let go from my last job, I was relieved. My health was deteriorating from being completely miserable there. Like most people say, “being fired was the best thing to happen to me.” It really was.

I felt incompetent every day. I was ignored, shut out, put down and consistently degraded. It made me build the walls around me higher. I retreated into myself and licked my emotional wounds. It was bittersweet to leave in all honesty. I had grown to love (some of) the people I worked with, becoming friends with many during my two year stint.

Even now, three months after the fact, I find my gut constricting at the reminder of where I was a few months ago. I feel sick knowing the truth of the whole incident: I was unwanted. I was unneeded. I was not welcomed.

It’s a major blow to one’s self-confidence and worth. Every day that has passed since being let go, I gain a little bit back.

I learned an important lesson after I got let go. Your job does not have to be your identity. You get to choose who the world knows you as. I’m a writer and comedian. It’s the best identity I have because it’s the truest me. I wasn’t born to be anything but in my professional life.

On a side note, at my old job, my position got eliminated because “the restructuring of the department finds no need for your job.” Weird. Because there’s currently a posting for my job right now on Indeed. Fucking jackasses.