Old Folks Schedules

Because of my job, I tend to come in contact with a lot of elderly people. Some are super cute and some are super cranky. I would be cranky too if my body had been running for 80+ years.

For some reason I feel like old people’s social life revolves around doctors’ waiting rooms. Their calendars filled with prescriptions for aches and pains and the diagnosis of well, yeah that’s normal in your progressive years.

In thinking about what old people spend their days on, I’ve created a list of what different age groups spend most of their time on:

Ages 0-2: Being needy and crying and shitting themselves

Ages 3-5: Finally speaking and sticking things up their noses

Ages 6-10: Hopefully potty-trained and in school learning how to be bullied, be a bully, or become invisible

Ages 11-12: Thinking they know things about life

Ages 13-15: Telling everyone they’re going to be driving soon

Ages 16-17: Getting stuck being DD because of how much they love driving

Ages 18-22: College classes and pretending to get laid on a consistant basis

Ages 23-49: Selling their souls to the corporate world

Ages 50-65: Regretting selling their souls to the corporate world, may include possible mental breakdown if it has not happened earlier

Ages 66-75: Playing with grandkids and/or moving to Florida

Ages 76+: Spend days getting chauffeured around by their too-supportive/involved/annoyed grown adult children to every doctor in the area along with that one doctor who is only in the city and in the office every other Tuesday of every third month.