Sweet Home Chicago

My best friend Mallory and I are taking improv classes at Annoyance in Chicago. We just finished our second week of classes and despite sounding like a total loser, the biggest perk of class is the fact that we are in the city.

Because we are always so eager to get down there, we had a good 45 minutes to spare before class yesterday. Instead of grabbing a drink at Fat Cat, we walked around the neighborhood and gushed about how wonderful it would be to live in the city. If anyone heard us talking, they probably thought we were having an affair with Chicago.

There’s just something about being in the mist of lights and traffic and whirl of it all that I find magical. Walking around and looking at apartments made me feel like anything is possible if you live there. The simple pleasure of being surrounded by people who share the same sentiment is kind of overwhelming. There’s so much to do around the city and absorb from it, that it seems like the only option to truly submerge yourself in it is to live there.

I know that the suburbs aren’t that far away, maybe 45 minutes with traffic, but it’s a completely different world out there. Never have I felt so soft and sheltered than I do walking around Chicago and grabbing a Starbucks before class. I love this place. Chicago will always be home. I probably don’t say it enough but that’s because all I know is the safe suburban life of Walmarts and chain restaurants. All I know is that I will forever be singing Sweet Home Chicago no matter where I end up.  

Oh I watched a mooooovie

I just finished watching The Five Year Engagement with the ever lovely and funny Emily Blunt, as well as the wonderful Mr. Jason Segel. I laughed aloud at a few parts and had an I-am-such-a-Jason-Segel-fan- because-I-know-that-Van-Morrison’s-Astral-Weeks-is-one-of-his-favorite-albums-and-that’s-why-he-chose-that-song moment. Other than that, it was an honest story with the aim of showing what it’s like to sacrifice your dream so your partner can live out theirs.

Basically the movie goes like this ¾Jason’s character was really unhappy because he gave up an amazing career opportunity in San Francisco to move to Michigan (what what!) so Emily’s character could take a position at the University’s psychology department. He felt like a failure as the man in the relationship because he didn’t have a purpose or a job that made Emily proud to show him off. Commendable really because we all tend to surrender a lot for the ones we love the most, even when you know it’s not the wisest option for yourself.  

Granted it’s not cool to give up who you are or give up your dreams for someone. But it’s okay to modify what you thought your life would be; as long as you’re still doing what makes you happy. Like any movie on the big screen, there are twists and turns and fights and blah blah blah but it comes down to a simple point:

If you’re meant to be together, no amount of struggle or obstacle can keep you from each other.

We all know that relationships go through tough times. There’s distance, egos, pride, family and work that get in the way here and there. But if you love someone, nothing is going to stand in your way to be with them. Temporary sadness, loneliness, longing, frustration, doubt and waiting sometimes feel like a test. It’s a way of showing how much you’re willing to go through for the one you love. It pushes you to be a better person and to create a strong and lasting relationship. 

I've always been a fan of Jason's movies but I loved this one a lot because it reiterated the fact that you always end up where you belong. Even if you have to get lost and take a really fucked up back alley way to get there.  

Too high brow

At work I am in charge of supplying the daily quote for internal use. Mainly I like to pick quotes that motivate and uplift people to sell the crap out of our product. It’s actually one of the tasks I enjoy doing because I love me some inspirational sayings.

Today I was told that I need to (and I really wish I was joking) dumb it down with the quotes because they are too deep and we don’t want people thinking too hard about them.

I responded simply with I will do no such thing. And honestly, isn’t it rude to say the staff employed here is too dumb to ponder over a good quote? That’s the whole point of the damn things; to be prompted to think deeply about something you normally wouldn’t. We will never grow mentally if we are not asked to rise to a higher level of thinking.

This is what’s wrong with some of corporate America. We don’t want to shake it up too much because then people—god forbid—start thinking. And if they think too much we might, oh I don’t know, have better and more efficient ideas swirling around that could improve business. We might create a work environment that promotes creativity and honest, open communication. And why stop there. An environment like that allows people to come up with ideas that aren’t shot down the second they are issued because of stupid factors like age and “work experience”. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of who you are.

I’m not sure what a dumbed down quote is, so here’s my crack at it. 


"I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color. It might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their makeup too light." –Kim Kardashian

Burning balls of gas

Tonight I plan on sitting outside and look at the stars so I can humble myself and realize that everything I worry about is insignificant. I am but a blink of a twinkle of a half-thought dream. All these stupid questions and thoughts swirling around in my head are not helping me in any way.

Whatever seriously. I am so over myself right now. Fuck it.

This made me laugh.

Our next guest

Bit of a creative block this morning so in coming up with something to write about I googled how to get to know yourself better. After I sifted through the very graphic pictures of genitalia, I found some fun questions that I thought I would answer. Like my own little personal interview. I’m the next Regis Philbin. Ellen. Jimmy Fallon. Conan. Pick one so we can move on. Conan? Good choice my friend.

1.    What do you usually think about right before falling asleep?

I usually imagine a scenario I want to happen. Like last night I imagined I was going to sleep in my kick ass apartment and knowing I had to get up for a writers conference in the morning. Or I think of stories I want to write, which mainly turn into heavy make-out sessions in my mind.

2.    List 3 of your best personality traits

Humorous. Loyal. Determined.

3.    List 3 of your worst personality traits

Anxious. Impatient. Overthinker.

4.    Name one regret you have

The parking lot when I wasn’t brave.

5.    Name one thing you miss about being a kid

When having an active imagination was encouraged.

6.    Name one thing you love about being an adult

Slowly finding out who I am.

7.    Favorite song of the moment

Too close by Alex Clare

8.    Dream Job

Motivational speaker→ young adult fiction author→ editor→ comedian→ writer

9.    What inspires you, and how do you feel when you’re inspired

Not to go all Thoreau on everyone, but nature gets my mind going. I love seeing people being selfless and helping others less fortunate than them. I love a good romantic story. I love a quote that hits you right in your hiding place. I love thunderstorms. The right words from someone that seems to be able to read your mind. Stories and people that aren’t afraid to be vulnerable and spill themselves out.

When I’m inspired I feel like doubt doesn’t exist. Like I’ve been stupid for not constantly working. I feel pretty invincible and amped up. I feel happy. It feels like home.

10.  What scares you

Losing myself while I try not to lose someone I love. And pretty much everything scares me. But that’s the only way I know I’m following the right path.

11.  What do you find boring and why

Shallow conversations.

We don’t have much time so why not tell me something that means something to you. I don’t care if we can bond over secretly loving the Jonas brothers. I want you to expose your deepest fear so we can actually and truly connect.

12.  If you could write your own eulogy, what would the last sentence be

In conclusion, as you clearly see from the PowerPoint presentation, she was fucking awesome.

The doctor will be with you in a minute

So I went to the lady parts doctor today. Sitting up in the stir-up chair with a thin sheet of construction paper over my bathing suit areas is just how I wanted to start my morning. There were two posters in the room. One was a picture of a flower which I’m assuming was some knock off Georgia O’Keefe or it was alluding to the fact that vaginas are like pretty flowers. Is it racist if the flower was white? The other poster in the room screamed at me DO YOU HAVE HPV? I don’t but after having a staring contest with the damn thing for 20 minutes, I imprinted in my mind that I, not only had ovarian cancer, but herpes and a bad case of the Mondays (a day late).

The entire exam was done in two minutes. My near tears of waiting in the relatively warm waiting room was for not. I did however find out how Jordan Sparks lost 50 pounds and finally figured out the difference between Ann Curry and Katie Couric, thank you Women’s Home Journal.

Crazy thing about women’s magazines is that they talk about one of four things; diet and eating healthy (whatever that means), fashion, new weight loss work outs, and the cure to all relationship woes and non-orgasms. I was none too interested in most of the magazines, opting to read the book I brought and wallow in self-misery about having my vag cranked open by a very pretty doctor. Needless to say, it’s the most action my gender-specific vag-tastic friend has seen in some time.   

They had to take my blood pressure which turned out to be coming in at borderline heart attack levels. They asked me why it might be so high. I gave them one of the following reasons:

1.    I had to get up at 6am after not sleeping all night due to the insane amount of sugar I consumed with a gigantic slurpee and sweating profusely because my parents refused to turn the air on

2.    I was getting gender-specific maintenance performed and I’m none too happy about that and as you can see I am shaking and sweating abundantly. (I leave out the part of me shitting my guts out and dry sobbing in the lobby bathroom. I do have some sense of dignity)

3.    You’re a doctor and therefore scare the shit out of me

4.    I have to work after this and it’ll take me 50 minutes to get to the office. Also, it’s you know, work.

5.    See 2

6.    See 3

7.    I have this insane fear that you’ll have to take blood and then forget you’re taking blood and I will drain completely of all fluid.

8.    Daily stresses of everything have me on the verge of an existentialistic crisis every other hour and I just want to figure shit out and then go do said shit and be awesome and super intense and well-respected.

They ended up taking my blood pressure 3 times. Each time it dropped significantly. When everything was all said and done, I got a weird look from the nurses— probably hoping I wasn’t going to hyperventilate, my prescription and a recommendation for a good therapist, as well as a coupon for half off at Cold Stone. Overall, not too shabby of a Tuesday morning.

And now, the worst pick-up line gynecologists probably hear: You’re face would look better between my legs.

Jump in or stay dry

Today is one of those days where I feel like I will never amount to anything great.

Sweated profusely all day. Watched House Bunny: hello Colin Hanks. Can I get a what what? Went for a run. Got a slurpee. Finished reading my book. Took overthinking to an entirely different definition. Overall just feeling stuck where I am. And once again it all comes down to time.

Fucking time.

I’ve come into the feeling again that I got in college. The one that kept nagging at my conscious mind that kept saying this isn’t forever so don’t get invested. I’m feeling like that again now. So many things I want to do but come the new year everything is changing in a major way. So why get invested in events and people and things when I know I have to say goodbye? It’s killing me to just wait around. But I don’t know if it’ll be worse to get involved in stuff and know I can’t stay.

What if I do just say ah fuck it and go balls deep into everything, and I end up finding my place? Could I say goodbye? The chances of me fitting into something that resembles belonging seems like a slim probability here. So I’m just going to shut my thoughts out and not get anxious.

In the meantime, I will be reading, and running and trying not to consume my body weight in Dairy Queen large vanilla cones. Stir fry sounds good though. Food you call me to you once again you evil slut puppy!