This might hurt a little

But because once you tell someone how you feel, you’re giving them permission to hurt you

I came across this quote the other day and love it. Love it like my mother pretends to love me. Kidding, my mom adores me. Who wouldn’t? Don’t answer that.

The hardest thing for me to do is open up to someone. Because as the quote said, it gives them permission to hurt you. Not that they will intentionally hurt you, but the opportunity is always there.

I always thought that loving someone meant they had to never break your trust, never let you down and never be anything less than how you picture them in your mind.

That is a ridiculous way of looking at love.

Because love is none of the above. When you love someone—and I mean, truly love someone—they can break your heart a thousand times and your feelings never falter. You don’t keep track of how many times they made you angry or sad. You just want to be with them. And you hope they share and exhibit the same definition of love.

Sometimes you meet someone and you feel like you’ve known him your entire life. You have a goofy grin on your face whenever you see him. And you know your heart is saying “there you are”.

Have I been in love? Yes. Has it mostly been with food? Yes.

But that’s beside the point.

Having feelings for someone means your daily life is going to change. Schedules you were used to will shift, your friends MAY see a little less of you, and you become part of something that has awesome potential to change your life.

On one hand, love is about giving someone the opportunity to hurt you, but it’s also about having someone accept you fully despite your faults, scars and general awkwardness. True love means they still want you around even after knowing everything about you.

I’m scared. Scared of letting this guy in. But slowly I’ve started to let go. And am continuing to let go and let him in. He has all the power in the world to destroy me. I’m just hoping that he won’t.

Because I know I’m not going to hurt him. He’s kinda special to me. It’s terrifying to have something you want so bad, because if you lose it….

….well, I don’t really want to think about that what if.  

 Because right now, this is the only thing i truly believe.