The worst part of liking someone is how nervous you get. I’m talking more than just sweaty palms and becoming a stuttering mess. I’m talking about the nervous shits.
You all know what I’m talking about.
One of my best friends brought this problem to light one day when she was telling me about how anxious she was to see the guy she’s in love with. I think her exact words were “my loose bowels better keep their shit together.” Like I mentioned before, my friends are really the best.
I know when I get nervous about a date or seeing a certain someone like JS, it’s like my entire insides think I’ve eaten nothing but fiber for the past 23 years. The worst is when you are about to leave for a date and your stomach does that errrruuughhmmmghh sound and your asshole is thinking “game time” and your mind is saying “WHY ME????” and your toilet is thinking “bitch please” and your self esteem has already drowned itself.
Not only are you on the toilet hunched over like you’ve just been shot in the abdomen, but your perfectly blow-dried hair is matted to your forehead with sweat. Your eye has developed a twitch because of the force of everything leaving your ass. You shakily pull your phone out and text your date that you’re running late, making the excuse that your gas tank is empty and you needed to fill up.
What a shitty lie. (poop humor, I know, I want to do me raw too)
Listen, it’s okay if you get the nervous shits before you see the guy of your dreams. Chances are he has them too. Only difference is that he probably enjoys them. Guys are weird like that.
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