Overthinking

Here’s the thing about girls: we are all overthinkers. Shocker right? Who would have thought that the gender dominating in multi-tasking would use that gift to think themselves into a deep dark black hole while working and doing 800 other shitty tasks.

I’ve always been a daydreamer. To the point that if something awesome happened, I could think about it all day and be content. Daydreaming of various scenarios pertaining to famous crushes and crushes in general got me through boring high school and college classes. But enough about me and my awesomeness, I’m here to talk about girls and overthinking.

Which we do. A lot. Especially when it comes to boys.

The following is my thought process when I see an attractive guy: Ooooooo he’s cute…puppy dog eyes….nice teeth….I can appreciate his t-shirt that proudly displays his college logo….he seems like a sweetheart…I bet he would hold my hand while we were driving….I bet my parents would love him…when I cry he will sit with me and let me talk myself hoarse….on our anniversaries he’ll book a weekend away where we can be together and connect…and whenever he kisses me, he kisses me like it’s the first and last time…when he asks me to marry him it’ll be the perfect proposal at that park we went to that one time when we were still getting to know each other…his arms are so strong so he will be good at carrying our kids around the house…he’s the type of guy that loves you more as the years go on.

Freaked out yet? You should be. Because the above is the usual train of thought girls have when they see a guy they like.

FACT: In the 15 seconds that follow us seeing you for the first time, we have already planned out the next 20 years of our lives together.

As girls, we are trying to see if you have long term potential even before we know your name. This is mainly because we want to see if you are worth the impending heartache we are setting ourselves up for.  

I can relate. (I’m sure you can too, but I’m talking now—you will get your turn J)

There is this boy that I know, just know, will lead to heartbreak. Why am I so pessimistic about something that isn’t even anything?

Because I am an overthinker. Come on, you saw that coming.  

This guy is an awesome dude. He’s funny as all shit, smarter than a lot of the population and I feel like I’ve known him for years. Problem is that in reality, we we’ve known each other for about a month. A month isn’t that long. Especially when it comes to making hard hitting decisions involving feelings, emotions and all that other Hallmark mumbo-jumbo.

For me, I can’t help but think of the future. It’s what I’m working toward. Because if I’m making my plans, I want to see if he fits into them. I want to know that if I am making sacrifices for him, he’s going to stick around. 


I realize that falling for someone is like diving head-first into the shallow end of the pool. But having feelings for someone—and constantly wondering and agonizing if those feelings are reciprocated—feels more like diving into the shallow end of a cement filled pool.

Think about this: you fall for someone. You know what happens when you fall? You get hurt. No one falls down a flight of stairs and gets up unscathed. Falling for someone is the same: you’re going to feel every single fucking thing on the way down. And the pain doesn’t stop when you hit the ground. It just intensifies. And you have to live your life a little broken. A little worse for wear. And yet, we continue to take a chance on the stairs. 

Falling for someone means sleepless nights of questions and doubt.   

That uncertainty is what starts the overthinking. The constant replay of every little detail of your interactions and silences and words. It’s torture. Whoever said that being single is fun and invigorating is full of horse and donkey shit. Constantly putting you and your self-esteem out there is the worst. It’s worse than knowing the cast of Jersey Shore makes more in one episode than you do in a year.

I am impatient. So the fact that dating is a waiting game, does not sit well with me.

And for some reason, I always feel like I’m the one waiting for the guy to make it official…for him to choose me…for him to decide that he doesn’t want another girl…for me to be enough to maintain his attention. I hate myself a little for writing that. So much of my life is spent wondering about what he’s thinking about. If he thinks about me every other moment. Or at all. I ponder obsessively if he wonders what it would be like to have me around for always.

I know that no one can promise what the future is going to bring. I’m just looking for a guy that knows what lies ahead is a mystery, but who will hold his hand through it all isn’t. Because he knows that whatever shit is coming, it won’t be that bad. Because he has me. And that will be enough.

Wishful overthinking.