Oh hey failure....sup?

Because when you don’t give up, you get exactly where you need to be.   

First off, I wrote the above sentence. I’m so baller sometimes I surprise myself. Take a moment to bask in my awesomeness while I take a moment to remember my fake modesty may (hey- I said may) be one of the reasons I am single.

Back to your scheduled program.

Failures and setbacks are a big part of life. I used to get so frustrated when something would fall through, or hardwork didn’t really pay off in the end. Now that I am a wise-owl and 23 years old, I will say this. I misjudged failure. Not that I welcome it into my home and make chocolate fondue for it, but I appreciate it more. Like if I saw it in a Starbucks, while I was contemplating getting one or two blueberry scones, I would wave and say hello. But I would not buy it its vente cappuccino because Starbucks is ridiculously expensive and I am not made of money. I am made of good intentions (-sigh- heartfelt moment).

Failing is probably the best thing anyone could go through. In a weird backwards way, you know I’m right. When you fail, you find out how strong you are. You test your perseverance and you find out the type of person you are when you can’t get what you desperately want. Almost a year ago I didn’t get this job at a well-known company. I was kind of heartbroken at the time. But then I got the job at the place I work at now. I worked hard for 8 months, networked and continued my determination to get onto the marketing team. Guess where I am today? Yup. On the marketing team. Doing a job where I get to write and be creative all day.

Okay, so you're not relating to a career move failure. I’ll relate it to relationships. Then I advise you to go watch a Katherine Hiegl  movie and get your romantic fix for the day. And just some advice, don’t wear sweatpants when you’re so exited.

So anyway. Relationship failures.

When you get your heartbroken by someone you really wanted, it sucks. Obviously. And they say that time is your best friend when getting over someone. But it’s hard to think of time as a friend when said friend is ripping your insides apart one organ at a time with rusty scalpels and their dirty-I’ve-been-gardening-all-day fingernails. At the time of the heartbreak I wanted to die. I would have taken my self-esteem and pride with me, but they had already high-tailed it to the desert with no water or food. They’re smart cookies….cookies….chocolate chip……cookies…..

Gah! Damn it. Sorry.

So anyway. Heartbreak. Had mine broken for the first time about 2 months ago. It was ROUGH. I cried every day for at least two weeks. I was more confused as the days went on because I didn’t get why something so good ended. I felt like I had failed YET AGAIN at something I wanted.

Then I realized that failure is not the enemy. Failure was telling me that it ended because it wasn’t right.

Failure….is….a…..good….thing.

As I look back on the relationship, I realize that I was overlooking a lot of personality traits that would have made us clash in the end. I gave too much credit and faith to things that meshed, but deep down I knew it wasn’t right. And now- after some time has passed- I’m not heartbroken anymore. Because I see that the relationship was a stepping stone to making me be who I needed to be.

I needed the pain and time to heal to realize what I really want and need out of the person I date (and if they’re crazy enough to put up with me forever- marry). I give the people I date a lot of leeway sometimes because I feel like everyone deserves a chance to be themselves. I like getting to know someone’s quirky features and how they operate on a daily basis. I like finding out if we click with our routines. I like learning something new or getting involved in something I never thought I would. (Not drugs or anything illegal- jeeeeeez).

Some days are worse than others when it comes to the thoughts in my head. But right now, the hope I have for my future someone is strong. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know when I get there, he will be waiting for me.

Hopefully it’ll be at a McDonalds because I need a fish filet like STAT. On a side note, I finally got around to watching Super Size Me. I have never been hungrier watching a movie.