I'm wearing a blazer

Today I am wearing this teal blazer with a t-shirt that says Awesomeness. I have a new pair of skinny jeans on and black high heels. Needless to point out, I’m fucking rocking fashion today. I feel like I’m an up-and-coming employee at a hipster design firm in the city. I’m also listening to this amazing playlist on Grooveshark (such an awesome site. Go check it out after you’re done reading about my epic life). So I’m feeling good. My ears are happily jamming out to Van Morrison and Queen. And there are only 8 days until I will be one very very happy girl.  

And then my thoughts do this thing where I think Uh oh. Too much happiness. Need. To. Ruin. Feeling. Think. Overthink. About. Something. But I’m not overthinking about anything. Feeling on top of the world has a funny effect. You start realizing that your doubts and fears are really nothing more than your sabotaging imagination.

My hang up has always been on looks. I’m not a dog but I’m no Alessandra Ambrosio, which is fine. That woman is too pretty to be real. I’ve never been known for my fashion or being teeny tiny. I’ve kind of always filled the role of being the solid, athletic girl. Clumsy in every day activities but pretty natural with sports. Again, not that I am a cow, I am the biggest girl on our improv troupe. I never really grew into my hands and feet so I am stuck looking like a puppy with big paws.What I'm trying to get at is that I've never been the one to be known for looks; usually ability or skill of some sort. I've gotten used to it, but it doesn't mean I'm always comfortable with other girls around.

Girls have this weird thing where we think that if we are the prettiest one in the room then we are the most desired. This may be true. But more often than not, it’s inaccurate. For me, at least, I have never been attracted to the obvious hot guy. It’s always been a search for deeper attraction. Looks are one thing. But if you can make me laugh every day, actually listen to me, support me, build me up to be the best version of me I can be— that’s what sets you apart from everyone else.

The silly thing is, everyone is beautiful in their own way. We all have our own light and journey we’re on. So it’s impractical to be prettier than someone else; we're all as gorgeous as the next. Where we lose the sense of our beauty is when we lack confidence in our strengths and uniqueness. I wouldn’t want to be anyone but me. Even on my worst days, I would always choose to be me. I read this quote some time ago that has always stuck with me:

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” —Steven Furtick

Everyone is struggling to put themselves in the best light possible. Facebook doesn’t help matters. No one is going to put up pictures of themselves being ugly or weird (oh wait, I do that. Shit.) Everyone wants everyone else to think they are living the best life possible. I hope everyone eventually does get to live the life they want and are happy. But we need to stop comparing ourselves to everyone else (I need to start taking my own advice) and just accept yourself. Trust that who you are is enough. You are perfect. You are perfect for someone. And one day, that someone will know there's no one they want but you.

So until then…