A girl walks into a 7-11...

One of the most important keys to success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do, even when you don’t feel like doing it.

Recently, I’m not feeling like I want to do much of anything. Maybe it’s the stress of a long-distance relationship. Or maybe it’s the lack of any responsibility I’m given at work. It could be that I’m endlessly waiting for the future [something I’m trying so hard to stop doing]. It could be that Tuesday I felt like the fun and carefree feeling of being alive I get from improv rehearsals, was stolen in a blaze of ego and pride. Or, I could be missing the whole point of this period in my life.

I just went to 7-11 to get an extra-large hot chocolate. Hoping it would make me focus, I can’t seem to push myself to start editing a huge chunk of my book. I’ve also developed this twitch in my eye whenever I’m at my work desk. Corporate life am I right? So I’m in 7-11 and this old man walks in, bent over mid-spine, hands wrinkled and knobby. He goes up to the counter, buys four lotto tickets and a king-size Snickers bar. I smiled to myself with the thought, you’re never too old for candy bars. He hobbled out of the store and into the waiting car his daughter was driving.

I was so overwhelmed with sadness that it instantly humbled my too-eager mind. Here is this man, who probably sits at home alone all day— watching TV or puttering around in his den— here he is getting his daily dose of happiness. Getting a candy bar and driving to the store with his daughter is probably the extent of his excitement for the day. It made me sad to think that maybe his wife died a long time ago and he’s been alone ever since. He can cope but it’s never the same. That’s how long distance relationships are. You can cope but it’s not the same. The only thing I truly want in life is to love and be loved by one person [I’m pointing at you]. Everything after that is just a bonus. I know that’s where most of my anxiety comes from; the fact that every moment is fleeting and he’s not in them with me.  

We don’t know how long each of us has to explore life. I know I have been selfish lately; cursing the fates or whoever about this time of anxiety and lack of purpose at work. But I have nothing to complain about. I’m healthy. My family is healthy and we’re all employed. I have a steady paycheck, living my dream of performing improv, making headway on my YA novel and have the most amazing boyfriend [regardless of the distance that expands between us]. My life is good right now. Great actually. So what am I so hung up about? Why do I feel the need to rush everything? This time right now is the last I’ll really get being by myself. The future is going to be an amazing stretch of time. But right now, I have the great opportunity to focus on me and find out what I really want to do with my one shot at life.

For now, I’m going to work on my novel, watch the rest of my seasons of Chuck, read all the books I have from the library and smile. Because everything will come to me when it’s time, and until then, I can be happy about everything that is and will be.