The struggles and doubts

Having always wanted to be a published author, I didn’t believe I could actually go after my dream under the semester before I graduated college (3 years ago on May1. The horror.) I took a creative writing course because my schedule allowed me to have fun. It became a turning point in my life. Hours slipped away as I did each assignment. I fell in love with my characters and could sit for days dreaming of scenarios to write about.

So I continued writing.

A few weeks ago I finished my first draft of a short story turned novel. Currently I am in the process of editing. Editing is like thinking you’re going to walk to your mailbox and realizing you’re actually climbing Mount Everest. It’s harder than I ever imagined. But it’s also oddly revealing about what you really wanted your story to be about. I feel like my story could go on forever with the details I keep thinking up. Still working on a title. I’m sure that will come when I least expect it; like most things in life.

“Believe in yourself and in your own voice, because there will be times in this business when you will be the only one who does. Take heart from the knowledge that an author with a strong voice will often have trouble at the start of his or her career because strong, distinctive voices sometimes make editors nervous. But in the end, only the strong survive.” ¾ Jayne Ann Krentz

It's been a Zachary Levi daydreaming kind of day

I want to teach you a lesson

Fall Out Boy’s new album Save Rock and Roll officially is out. It’s amazing. Go pick it up immediately. So nice to have these boys back in my ears, singing the lyrics I could never put into words. 

One ginger to rule them all

Today is a good day. Got my oil changed and it only cost 50 bucks to fix my front bumper because I ran over a tire on the highway. Fall Out Boy’s new album Save Rock and Roll is officially released today. I got bagels and drank a Pepsi. And now I’m watching Louis CK’s new stand up Oh My God.

Here’s 27 things you may or may not have known about one of my idols, Louis CK.

Happy Taxes Day!

The thing about unemployment is when you run into people you know, that’s all they want to discuss. Being unemployed is both awesome and not cool. Although it is polite  for people to ask about your job search, it’s still just as annoying as a celebrity getting asked the same interview questions over and over.

Here are some of the answers I’m starting to use when people ask/talk to me about finding a job.

1.   How’s the job search going?

It’s the only thing in life worth getting up for in the morning. I really wish I could spend the rest of my days waking up and getting constantly ignored because of my 1) age 2) work experience 3) lack of motivation. I honestly think I would have better luck putting my resume in a bottle and throwing it out to sea.

2.   Have you looked online or asked around?

What? What’s online? Oh. Oh you mean that internet thing? No. I don’t use computers or anything electronic. Have you seen The Terminator? Which one? I don’t know, two and three? Yeah the first one is good too. It’s a classic.

3.   What are you looking to do?

To collect a heafty check for not doing anything. I’m looking to hang out with celebrities and potentially get a free membership to the gym. Preferably one with a pool.

4.   Well I’m sure something will come up, I’ll keep my eye out for you.

You won’t but thanks for pretending you will.

5.   At least you have a part-time gig, my (insert relative they are relating you to here) doesn't even have that!

Sure. But as a part-time gig I make barely more than I used to when I got my childhood allowance. How is your (insert relative they are relating you to here)? Is he/she still hot? Are they still dating what’s-his/her-face? I’ve got a job they can do (insert eye contact that clearly means you were talking about sex).  

6.   Oh you and your boyfriend want to move in together? You’ll need a job to do that.

No shit. I wish I would have figured that out before we got our hearts set on the mansion/castle we put in an offer for.

7.   I know you’re trying. Just keep plugging away at it and you’ll find something eventually.

I only woke up today because I banged my head against the wall

Anyone else bummed out by this Chicago weather? It’s been kind of crappy the last few days and as much as I hate to admit it, my mood seems to be gray as well. I started reading Empire Falls thinking for most of the first chapter that it was supposed to be Empire Records. Literary fail on my part.

I read the most beautiful story today and wanted to share it with everyone. I could not stop crying the entire time. http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html

I have lots of pictures. That's like over 5,000 words.

I had Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza last night. I am in no mood to soul search and say something profound. Here are a bunch of pictures I found on Pinterest today that made me smile and chuckle. 

We’re men. Therefore we make beer

Yesterday I spent an awesome day with John and folks from LOL theater brewing beer. It’s a much more complex ordeal than I gave thought to. Granted, I am much more of a Pepsi drinker, the beer smelled great as we huddled by its warmth as the sun went down.

As we brewed beer we grilled some of the best chicken I’ve ever tasted. Seriously delicious. We had grilled asparagus (yes my pee smelled after it), cheesecake and lamb. Thank god I’m not a vegetarian. Overall it was a pretty neat day learning about something I know nothing about.

It’s been raining for hours today. Wonderful to sleep in and hear the storm rage around me, but hard to get my day going. Oops, sun’s out now. I should probably be productive and get some pages edited. 

Clever girl

It’s been quite a whirlwind of movie watching in the past few weeks. We’ve seen Die Hard (pass), Admission (pass. Read the book), GI Joe (awesome go see it), Evil Dead (nope, no scary movies for me anymore. But it was awesome. From what I could hear over my crying), and finally Jurassic Park 3D.

Jurassic Park was awesome in the three dimensional vision we saw it in. I forgot how amazingly suspenseful the raptor part gets. Although I love the movie, it just made me want to read the book again. If you haven’t read the book, stop reading this sentence and go pick up a copy.

I’ll wait here.

Until you get back, I’m going to watch every single Steve Martin movie I can. That guy is seriously my idol. I cannot get enough of him. I want to meet him so bad but I know that I would just be an idiot around him and be one of those annoying star struck baboons.   

A poem

Writer’s Digest’s poetry prompt for the day was “Hold that (blank)”. So here goes nothing.

Hold that cheeseburger

Hold that cheeseburger

I dare say

For it is dripping unnaturally with grease

Here’s a napkin

The cheese is far too American

For you not to eat it with a gun

The pickles are limp, the tomatoes too dry

Nothing ever goes right

The buns are a catastrophe

Don’t hold it in

The meat oh the meat

Charbroiled and chagrin

Wipe my mouth with vigor

I’m done

Steve Martin

I love me some comedians. Jim Carrey, Louis CK, John Mulaney. But no one to me is more talented and completely born a comedian, than Steve Martin. I am currently listening to his book Born Standing Up. It’s a wonderful [auto]biography of his comedic rise and early life. I admire Steve Martin for his storytelling ability. The way he writes makes my soul sing. He also said one of my favorite quotes “Be so good they can’t ignore you.” 

I made some money today

I sold some of my old clothes and books today and various stores. Made a hefty $32. If only they could pay me per minute for procrastination and sleeplessness. In light of getting up and doing something productive today [got my unemployment settled. Oops on my part], I decided to get a slurpee and peruse the guilty pleasure tabloid magazines.

My favorite part about trashy magazines [beside the section Stars!: They’re just like us!] are the photoshoots with whatever starlit is gracing this month’s cover. I saw a picture of Lauren Conrad and didn’t even recognize her. I figured she hadn’t gone cocaine chic, but had been in fact, plagued by photoshop. Her cheekbones were fabulous.

I can’t believe there isn’t a diet out there yet called the Photoshop Makeover, where young girls do whatever it takes to actually look like the covers of these magazines. As I pondered over this, a bag of Cheetos distracted me. It took almost four minutes for me to talk myself out of the cheesy goodness and reconsider the Photoshop diet. 

It’s sad that of all the pictures I Googled to find these, there were none of men. I feel sorry for all the little girls out there who will eventually buy into this fantasized reality.  

April fools ya fool!

I don’t really care about April Fool’s Day I just needed a blog post title.

I just saw the picture of the Louisville basketball player’s compound break in his shin. Dear god. It doesn’t even look real so I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen to him.

Yesterday was Easter. I went over to my grandparents’ house to eat and find those pesky eggs a large bunny always fills with delicious candy treats. I love my cousins so any time spent with them is always the best day. One of my favorite cousins was asking me how my job was. I had to respond with, well I got let go two months ago so I’m doing comedy full-time right now. Then it kind of hit me.

I am a comedian/writer. I’m living that life.

It’s kind of an awesome realization. I always imagined one day I would be, but to not even realize that’s the life I’m living? Makes me think it’s always been the life I’ve been searching for.

Although not having a steady source of income is a bummer and stressful only when I let it be, I’ve never been more content and happy with my life. I get to read as much as I want every day. I am progressing through my book editing. I get to hang out with my dog and go for afternoon walks. And I get to hang out with John whenever I want to [which is all the time]. It’s pretty awesome. I’m in two improv classes, and was just given the opportunity to be a co-host for a monthly improv jam. Not too shabby if I do say so myself. My sleeping habits are still rocky and insomnia has not said goodbye to me, but I wake up happy. I haven’t had consistent happiness like that in…forever. Basically since I was a freshman in high school playing on the sophomore basketball team.   

I’m still reading 20 something 20 everything by the amazing Christine Hassler. This book is the book I have been searching for; I desperately needed its guidance. I’m so content and calm knowing that I don’t have to rush into anything or follow a plan or timeline. Reflecting back on my early twenties, I realize how fortunate I am that I’m still waiting for things to happen, like marriage, a mortgage and a family [I'll throw career in there too for good measure]. I’m in absolutely no rush for any of those things. I know that when the time is right and I’m in the right place, it’ll all happen.

I’ve come to learn that being patient doesn’t mean sitting around miserable waiting for something to come to you. Being patient is the serenity of enjoying what’s going on now with the excitable anticipation of what’s to come.