Secrets

Every person has at least one secret that would break your heart.

It really does break my heart knowing that people have to live with secrets. Not only that, but they live in constant fear that someone will find out about their secret. I know exactly how this feels.

In high school I had this medical issue that has to deal with “monthly girl troubles”. Basically, I bled all the time. Non-stop. I’m not going to go into gross details- you’re welcome- but I rarely told anyone about it. One- because I knew it wasn’t normal but I was scared to say anything. And two- I was ashamed.

This condition shook every ounce of confidence I had- or what little confidence I did have being an extreme bookworm, more athletic than most of the boys, acne, and definitely a few pounds to lose. I didn’t even bother talking to boys because I knew none of them would ever even consider dating someone who was losing more blood than an entire army does in battle.

On top of that, all I wanted to do was lose myself in a book or escape into a story I was currently writing. No one in high school interested me enough to divulge my little secret. And because of that, even today, I find it hard to completely trust people.

Heartbreaking secrets. My own rips me up. Because I know how lonely and scared and confused I was. I know that my insomnia stems from it and the anxiety of another day of hell. I know the tears that stained my face and pillow and sheets after I realized that no boy would give me a second glance.

But the thing about secrets are that they motivate you to better things. I knew I couldn’t get boys or attention on looks, so I continued to read and write and study every bit of comedy genius I could find. I made myself into a quick-witted individual with an impossible work ethic and the need to outshine. I developed a unique style of writing that cuts through the bullshit and brings up truths that most are scared to put out there. I started to believe in myself when no one else did, and that has made all the difference.

I don’t want to be anyone else because I know my potential and I know that I am destined to do great things. I’m thankful every day for the struggles I had to face at a young age and the isolation I brought upon myself. I’m no longer frightened of speaking up. I no longer care if you like me or not. I only care where I am going and about the people who are leading me toward the future.

I’ve also found that the more I open up to people, the happier I am. Because I’m not alone anymore. Which really is the best success I’ve had so far.