It's all about how you think

In my effort to really discover myself and find my path in life, I have started to read a book called the 20-Something Manifesto by Christine Hassler. I’m on the part right now about what she likes to call Expectation Hangover. To quote from the book, an expectation hangover is  “the myriad undesirable feelings or thoughts present when a desired result is not met or an undesired, unexpected event occurs.” Essentially it means that you get disappointed and down when the life you imagined at this age is not the life you are leading. The only way out of it is to let go of your preconceived ideals while taking every opportunity and making it something worthwhile. It also means to stop obsessing about external factors and take hold of what you can control.  

Although I still feel like I am in the mist of a 20-something crisis, I am slowly finding my way. Yeah I wish my job was more fulfilling but there are so many other positive things in my life that I am proud of. Like improv and Count Spatula, running and getting toned, writing, and reading to my heart’s content. Overall, I’m feeling really proud of myself lately. I got up at 6:15 am today and worked out, something I haven't done since mandatory attendance of Saturday basketball practices. There are some personal issues I’m working on like self-esteem boosters and feeling like I am doing enough, but overall I’m feeling like I'm doing a good job at being me.

 

It’s weird to say but I was looking at myself in the mirror this morning and I just started smiling at myself. Since completing the half marathon back in July, I have kept up with a steady running schedule and have incorporated weights into my regimen. Because of my new found love of running, I have toned up and lost the weight I’ve been meaning to since high school. I am more conscious of my eating habits and drinking water like my body is made up of 57% of it. As I checked myself out in the mirror, I couldn’t help but be really proud of who I am and who I am turning out to be. Whenever I accomplish anything, it makes me happy knowing my 13 year old self would be delighted at what I’ve done. For some reason, my heart goes out to me at 13; a slightly chubby girl with acne and braces whose dream was to make people laugh and do something great with her life. Thanks for the motivation younger-version of me. We did it.     

I’m currently re-listening to Tina Fey’s Bossypants audiobook while I drive to work. It might have been because I was slaphappy this morning, but I was laughing so hard at one part I almost crashed. I doubt it was due to sleep-deprivation. Tina Fey is and always will be my idol because she is so effing funny and such a talented writer. I love her because she is gorgeous and brilliant but she doesn’t see herself as that. Growing up she was awkward, made poor fashion choices and boys didn’t want to date her (but that’s probably because she is too witty and smart). I can relate.  

Anyhow, while I was falling asleep last night I realized I do this weird thing. Whenever John mentions a girl, I immediately think that the girl is Heidi Klum. Why do I do this? Part of me thinks it’s just a way for me to stay motivated to take care of my physical well-being and get super hot so he will keep me around. The other part of me realizes that my imagination just likes to test me and I have to remember than I am good enough. I mean, I’m awesome.* Then I thought about how, although looks are part of being attracted to someone, it’s more about the connection you have with them. After this thought I promptly fell asleep, curled up in his sweatshirt. Note to self: Girls are ridiculous once their imagination goes into overdrive.  

*This is my attempt to repeat my daily mantra of I’m awesome.