No-see-ums and 5 o'clock somewhere

Tomorrow I will be attending my first Jimmy Buffett concert/epic adventure. I’m not sure what to really expect. Something along the lines of an awesome party/me wanting to pack up and go live on a beach. I know John is beyond excited for the concert. It’s the equivalent for me of Fall Out Boy times like 80 parrots.

Here’s to the man, legend and leader of the parrot heads. 

On-screen nerd crushes

John and I saw This is the end the other day and I won’t spoil anything for anyone, but seriously, GO SEE THIS FLIPPIN MOVIE RIGHT NOW.

The entire film was a –muah- kiss of perfection but one of the funniest little bits is any scene Michael Cera is in. He’s coked out of his mind and stupid hilarious. I love him in Arrested Development, but this is his shining moment.

I know most people find him annoying and stupid, often referring to him as the poor man’s Jesse Eisenberg, but I love every awkward bit of Michael Cera. I mean, come  on, Superbad and Juno are amazing movies. Not to mention Scott Pilgram verse the World. Even some of his weirder movies like Youth and Revolt still have their moments.

To the haters out there, suck it. I love me some Michael Cera.

Blazing balls of gas

“I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist.” ¾Jack London

I found this quote in a, you guessed it, another self-help book I was reading. This quote hit close to home because I am dealing with this issue a lot right now. Part of me is resisting the reality that I am part of the corporate 9 to 5 world. Another part of me, the free spirit hippie, wants to pack a bag and explore to the edge of the world. I know a happy balance is all that is needed. Life right now is more about getting to a place of financial security before I can start breaking the rules.

And yet…

There’s still a part of me that wants to live this rock star life. Live out of a van because we’re on the road performing. Wants to be in dingy diners at 3am after a show, laughing and drinking another round of Cherry Cokes. Part of me wants that reckless and unbound responsibility. Part of me wants to be a vagabond. Then the part of me that likes a warm bed and a stable environment pulls me back to reality. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel like I’m becoming/am an ADULT. I don’t really have that wiggle room to “test the waters”. If I don’t get my shit together and start laying down roots, that’s when people start talking.

…good thing I’m allergic to cats. Because if I keep going this way, I might end up with a lot of furry roommates. 

Growing up and weary

I haven’t really had the chance to go on Facebook as much as I used to because of my job and busy schedule (trust me, I wish it wasn’t as busy so don’t think I’m bragging). When time does allow me to procrastinate more and endlessly get sucked into the social media realm, I am bombarded with updates of the like: people getting engaged (congrats), people have babies (good luck), people buying houses (still live with my parents so you must be a magician), people going to Las Vegas every other weekend (hey, a cell phone works two ways.)

I’ve been spending most of my days working, crying, insomnia-ing, training for the half marathon, improv-ing, procrastinating, dry crying, sitting by a fan and talking like Darth Vader, pretending to be Darth Vader and crying, and eating.  

So for all ya’ll getting hitched and buying mansions and filling them with little munchkins that have your nose, that's awesome. It just kind of makes me feel like this guy:

My fluffy bunny

This is my puppy Jackson who will be 3 years old in August. I rescued him from the Almost Home Foundation back in December of 2012. He’s the perfect start to coming home every day. It’s hard to imagine life before him and my family all feels the same. Seeing his tail wag and having him wanting me to hold his paw while he sleeps puts life into perspective for me. To the dog I rescued 6 months ago, thank you for saving me too. 

Shit my boyfriend says

There are a lot of those fun books out there like Shit My Dad Says and Shit Girls Say. As commercialized as they are now, they’re funny because the content is true to life. I know there are plenty of blogs, twitter accounts, Cosmo magazine pages and books dedicated to shit my boyfriend says so I wanted to take the time to contribute my own…

Introducing Alexa Hansen’s Shit My Boyfriend Says To Me…aka Why Physical Violence Should Be Viewed Trial By Trial

·         If I get my car to 88 and travel through time, I would totally date someone else when I get to whatever time period I land in. I mean, I would look for you, but chances are I wouldn’t find you. - First sentence when we’re on the phone during a lightning storm

·         I love your belly and how it sticks out at the bottom. -Grabbing my stomach after training for a half marathon, 8 weeks in and trying to shed some weight

·         You are the complete opposite of what I used to find attractive. I like short dark girls. You are the most lanky, uncoordinated dorky white girl I’ve ever met. - When talking about the first time we saw each other

·         Sometimes I look at you and think ‘John, you’re going to have to live with this the rest of your life’. -When I had too much ice cream and wouldn’t stop talking

The man. The legend. The one dating me and taking one for the male race.

Life changing book

I am currently listening to the audiobook How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This book is changing my entire outlook on the world and my life. Here are some of my favorite quotes thus far. 

Old Folks Schedules

Because of my job, I tend to come in contact with a lot of elderly people. Some are super cute and some are super cranky. I would be cranky too if my body had been running for 80+ years.

For some reason I feel like old people’s social life revolves around doctors’ waiting rooms. Their calendars filled with prescriptions for aches and pains and the diagnosis of well, yeah that’s normal in your progressive years.

In thinking about what old people spend their days on, I’ve created a list of what different age groups spend most of their time on:

Ages 0-2: Being needy and crying and shitting themselves

Ages 3-5: Finally speaking and sticking things up their noses

Ages 6-10: Hopefully potty-trained and in school learning how to be bullied, be a bully, or become invisible

Ages 11-12: Thinking they know things about life

Ages 13-15: Telling everyone they’re going to be driving soon

Ages 16-17: Getting stuck being DD because of how much they love driving

Ages 18-22: College classes and pretending to get laid on a consistant basis

Ages 23-49: Selling their souls to the corporate world

Ages 50-65: Regretting selling their souls to the corporate world, may include possible mental breakdown if it has not happened earlier

Ages 66-75: Playing with grandkids and/or moving to Florida

Ages 76+: Spend days getting chauffeured around by their too-supportive/involved/annoyed grown adult children to every doctor in the area along with that one doctor who is only in the city and in the office every other Tuesday of every third month.

Procrastinating and tips to stop. Stop it NOW!

I recently finished listening to an audiobook called The 60 Second Procrastinator by Jeff Davidson. It was exactly what I needed for where I am in life.

For me, procrastination is due to either 1) fear or 2) feeling overwhelmed. I tend to put tasks off that involve asking people for something or involve talking on the phone. I’m not sure if it’s ironic or karma that I’m on the phones all day at work. Guess I have to get over my phone anxiety sometime so why not get paid for it.

When I feel overwhelmed I tend to ignore the task all together. I see the task as Mount Everest instead of the anthill it really is. The audiobook taught be how to break large projects down into smaller and easily attainable chunks. Duh right? I’m slow on occasion.

Here’s what’s helped me fight off my procrastination, especially at work:

·         Make a list every day of what needs to get done with boxes next each task

·         Decide which one will take the least amount of time and tackle that one first

·         DO NOT continue on to another task until the one I’m currently working on is completed

·         Put check mark in box next to task

·         Smile and mentally (or physically) high-five myself for being awesome

·         Pick next task and repeat

I’m so much more efficient now that I follow these steps. I’ve realized that multi-tasking is really the destruction of any progress on tasks and goals.

Do you find any method that helps you break free of the shackles of procrastination?

Dr. Phil is kind of the man

I’ve been on a Dr. Phil kick for a few weeks now. I read through Life Strategies and just finished listening to the supplementary audiobook. Most people make fun of Dr. Phil but I find him honest and funny. He may be kind of goofy, but he does not sugar coat his shit. Sometimes with his accent I think I’m listening to the Blue Collar Comedy Tour and Bill Engvall is on. Regardless of if you think Dr. Phil is lame or not, here are 5 gems from him that I love.

1.   Are you doing what you're doing today because you want to do it, or because it's what you were doing yesterday?

2.   Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become.

3.   If you want more, you have to require more from yourself.

4.   You generate the results in your life that you believe you deserve.

5.   It’s a choice. You just have to decide that I'm not going to put my energy there. I'm going to decide to let this go. It's your choice. You can embrace it, you can become a prisoner of bitterness and resentment anger and victim city, or you can just say 'I'm going to live my life and be happy'.

Zach Stone is Gonna be Famous

Huge fan of Bo Burnham. If you’re not, change that fast. Bo is a genius comedian and an amazing rhyming wordsmith. His lyrical prowess is untouchable; he’s the Eminem of comedy. On top of being over six feet and lanky like a flag pole, he’s just a goofy looking dude. It’s charming.

Bo’s show, which he co-writes with Dan Lagana, called Zach Stone is Gonna Be Famous is addicting. The relationships are intense, pulling you instantly into the world. Bo’s nerdy/geeky charm is subtle and adorable. You simultaneously want to kick him and hug him. Here’s a quick synopsis of the show (which you should be watching NOW) in my own words:

Zach Stone is freshly graduated from high school. Instead of going to college, he decides to spend his life savings on a camera crew to document his life as he attempts to get famous. As for what will bring him to stardom? That’s a big TBD. Drama and romance included. 

Bo's show is on MTV every Thursday. His best friend on the show Amy, played by Caitlin Gerard is super awesome. I tweeted her and she actually tweeted me back! Then Bo favorited that tweet. It was awesome.  

I’m back bitches

Feels weird to not have posted anything within the last week. I wish it was for a reason that was cool, but really I was just never around my computer/I felt lame all week. Improv, ½ marathon training and work have been my waking hours. I don’t even want to go into how much I’ve pushed off editing.

Moving on and recapping.

 

John and I, along with his two brothers, spent Memorial Day pounding through the new Netflix episodes of Arrested Development. Not going to lie, I was disappointed for the first five episodes. There was way too much exposition and not enough of the beautiful snappy dialogue I’ve grown to adore.

The season definitely picked up its momentum as the episodes continued but there was still a lot I wish there was more of. I wanted:

·         To see a deeper Tobias story line  I really wanted him to be painted blue for most of the episodes as well but that’s just for old time sakes. Tobias is the one character who you never really get to see his roots and family. I would love to really get into the freaky world of Mr. Funke.  (Mr. F)

·         The story to move quicker. There was a lot of slow build-up with some big payoffs but it just took too long overall to see some jokes climax.

·         More Jessica Walters. Lucille Bluth is incredible. Her? Yes. They should do an entire season on her and Buster’s relationship alone. Speaking of Buster…

·         MORE BUSTER. What an insane and deeply disturbed train wreck of a character. Mother issues, a hook/big hand for an actual hand, an incomprehensible attraction to older women, and his love for juice boxes.

·         Most of all. I really wanted more scenes with the entire family together in the same room. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where you come to love, cringe and adore the Bluths.

Don’t get me wrong, it was awesome to have the entire cast back and ready for more. The cameos were spot on (except for Seth Rogan. Sorry man) and the story did come into its own. I just wanted…more.

The Steve Holt appearances? Are you kidding me? Brilliant.